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:iconpahein: More from pahein




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December 16, 2012
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"Yeah,"
love
note
lies
A story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting back and letting the dramas of... elementary school, middle school, high school, all of it -- pass me by, I sometimes wonder if I would've been better off passing notes and caring about every little social detail.

Anywho, this is my entry for #FourLinePoems' Competition. 42 letters, 4 words, four lines. Personally, I like it; so although there are many more talented writers on dA, I figured for a six month sub, I may as well give it a shot.

I suppose I'll ask questions, because it kinda sounds good to me and as I wanna be a storyteller, the challenge of trying to tell a story in four words is interesting and I'd like to know how I did!

1. Did the words evoke any specific situation in your mind? Could you identify with that situation somehow? In other words-- does it tell you a story?
2. Does the terse form add anything to the tale?
3. What was the story it told you?

Thank you very much!
:iconfirewolf013:
1. I was handed the wrong note once in highschool by a boy I thought I liked. He meant it for the girl next to me. When I gave it back, all he kept saying, eyes downcast was a dull 'Yeah'. Like he was ashamed I had gotten it. It definitely made me relate, and reminded me of that story, as well as other love note stories shared with me.
2. The form allows for anything to fill in the gaps, and in my case it feels like every word speaks volumes about what was also being thought by the people, the passage of it. Just like the handing off of a love note. I enjoyed it very much.
3. I like to think it told me about a girl being deceived by the note, falling in love with the fantasy of what it means to be in love.

Then the note as it is revealed becomes a source of pain; of ridicule as people mock her or the person who gave it to her, or even begins to mock herself. The reality of it all dawns on her, and shatters the illusion. She must find out for herself what is the truth.

But when confronted, the boy is too intimidated by reality too, and shuns her. He lies to her, and breaks her heart.

Rather dramatic, but it's what I felt, at the very least. (I apologize for the huge text Dx I hope you get far in this contest! I wish you the very best of luck)
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:iconpahein:
pahein Dec 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Ah, thank you very much! That pretty much was the story I wanted to tell. :aww:

I'm glad you liked it. It's... four words is definitely a challenge, aha.

Thank you for so much feedback! I really appreciate it. :meow:
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:iconfirewolf013:
It was told beautifully. You're humbly welcome

It is! There's so many words to choose from, it makes decisions just that much harder. But what writers forget is brevity is the best form of wit, and the less distractions you have the more penetrating the message. It was wonderful

You're welcome! I know I favourite and run often, but this was begging for a response X3
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